Now does it scare you that I'm able to discern...

MIssing you.

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 06:14:01 GMT

I'll cover you. I know you're out there. I know you're probably sleeping, like I should be. I can't let you go. I don't want to have to. My life is fucked. And it's all your fault.

.

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 05:10:17 GMT

It's been 9 days now. Well, 9 days in about 11 minutes. 9. Days. Without. You. Nine days without goodnight. Nine days without I love you. Nine days without you beside me. Even though you weren't there I always felt like a part of you really was there. I guess I was wrong in the end. With your Christmas gift I wrote this.

My Sniffles,

Merry Christmas Baby. Every time I tried to get this to you something got in the way, so I figured I’d just wait a little while. As the days pass I’ll add to this, because I don’t want to write the whole thing at 1:08 AM. I don’t know what this is, nothing short of amazing. I just sigh all day, I heard once that that means you’re in love. I think I am, which is something truly interesting. I’ve never allowed myself that, or tried for that, or honestly wanted that. I didn’t know what love was, how could I? I measured being in it by how old you are and with competence. Now I feel like all that has simply gone to shit, and to hell with trying to be adult about it. I’ll just come out and say it this way, because I’m not sure I could ever manage to open my mouth in front of you and tell you. In nearly two months I’ve allowed you to become what, in the beginning, I told you not to make me. I’ve made you my world. And everything revolves around you. Really think about that, let it set in, how much emotion and feeling I have for you. I don’t know if I can convey it in words, but I’ll try. You really are everything. Tonight I sat outside for a long time, and worried my mom in the process. You said to me, “It looks like the stars are drifting all over tonight” I went outside. There were no stars here, whatever hung above in the atmosphere blocked everything out... Everything but the moon, and that would come into view only a couple times. I noticed while I waited for you to reply how it lit up the clouds around it when it could be seen, and how it gave the clouds depth. It reminded me that there was more up there than what I could see, which was merely deep shades of grey. I cried. I felt alone, so alone, and I hadn’t expected you to text me when you did...but it made it better. I told you how there were no stars, and how depressing It felt, how alone I felt. You said, “Is it the fact that we see a wholeness in an unshrouded sky?” I said, “Or that we’re just not alone.” You said a wholeness, and I replied with I guess, if that’s what you want to call it. I don’t always feel whole when I’m with people. You asked me, “But you do with a person?” I had said it depends on that person... But you should know by now that you are one of the only people that can make me feel whole again. Sure there’s Keila, Anika too. Even my mother can yank me back out of my depression and insecurity. But now I’m sure you’re one of those people, if not the first. I don’t think you realize how alone I feel when you’re gone, or asleep. I just feel distant, too distant, from you and myself. It’s funny, I mean, you’re not dead or anything, but in my mind you might as well be. And when you say how you’re here with me, regardless of the fact that you aren’t here physically, it makes me smile. But I need you here. You can’t tease me about being with me like that when you know I wish you could be more than anything, you butt. :3 But I mean it when I say that, how I really want you to be here, and when you leave I don’t know what I’m going to do. Well, yes I do. Cry. >_> But I’ll just skip over that.

I didn't get to finish it. I was going to send it with your gifts. I was. When I was searching for it I found this. I cried.

11/23/09
Katato says:
x3
then what :3
Sniffles says:
as time went on, I talked to her more and more and then convinced her to get msn :3
Katato says:
XD
Sniffles says:
She was like "hmmm why not!" and then she got to talk to me alot more
Katato says:
^w^
Sniffles says:
shortly after that moment, she became really ^w^ and O////O and
over the one on the otherside of thw world
Katato says:
XDDD
Sniffles says:
soon after that, sniffles was able to talk to him on teh phone and via texts :3
He would get text msgs during school while she was already 3 hours ahead and outta class
Katato says:
x3
orly?
Sniffles says:
ya really
durning lunch, math, algebra, painting and so on
I would get silly texts from a silly girl
Katato says:
XD
what a loserrrrr
>w<
Sniffles says:
she was adorable though
Katato says:
x3
this is good?
x3
Sniffles says:
sure XD
I knew she liked me and it was quite nice :3
I liked her ^^
everytime i saw her in the box she would be all like >////< and giggly lol
Katato says:

XD
Sniffles says:
Her weakness was teh body :3
she would nosebleed from time to time
Katato says:
WTF XD
Sniffles says:
everytime he went shirtless and showed some leg XDDD
Katato says:
>_>
Sniffles says:
Especially teh legs :3
She secretly loved it alot
oh and the shirtless
Katato says:
>_<
hate u
xD
Sniffles says:
she said she hated it out loud, but her body language said other wise
she was in a sort of denial yet acceptance
Katato says:

x3
Sniffles says:
she would try to hide alot when she saw her weakness
secretly she would take a few peaks here and there
she would be like >w< and go back hiding
Katato says:
psh
sounds like a lie to me

Sniffles says:
you're right....She ALWAYS looked while pretending to be hiding something a little more like >:3
Katato says:
omg >_>
Sniffles says:
no matter how much time past by
thats how she was
Katato says:
>_<
Sniffles says:
she was always O////O :3
with him
Katato says:
exploiting a certain someones issues doesnt sound too nice :3
Sniffles says:
Im just telling you a story ^_^
but as i was
Even though she would be all O///O she would also be very giggly
and i mean GIGGLY!!
Katato says:
>_>
Sniffles says:
she was just full of giggles
Katato says:
yeah I wonder why
Sniffles says:
cause...
She had teh sniffles
it made her giggly
and occasionally wiggly
Katato says:
>w<
Sniffles says:
one day....she got this...^3^
Katato says:
wazat
x3
Sniffles says:
a kiss :3
Katato says:
x3
Sniffles says:
and an i luff chuu
Katato says:
^////^
Sniffles says:
there she goes again!! ^///^ ^3^
just so adorable!
Katato says:
>_<
Sniffles says:
awwww ^^
shes soooo cute and adorable
Katato says:
really?
:3
Sniffles says:
really
like right now
shes doing it was i tell her this story
Katato says:
xD
Sniffles says:
I bet right now she wants me just give her a great big hug
Katato says:
mayyyybe
Sniffles says:
maaaaaybe, she needs a kiss too :3
and someone she can just snuggle ^__^
Katato says:
I think so :3
Sniffles says:
i think so too
she wants her cuddle buddy for starters
Katato says:
mhmmm ^^
Sniffles says:
I bet she just wants to cuddle on her bed until we fall asleep
Katato says:
Mhm
but she cant and that makes her a sad sniffle :3
Sniffles says:
buuut....she still has him talking to her right now about it ^^
trying to make her not sad
Katato says:
that helps :3
Sniffles says:
its suppose to
Katato says:
^w^
Sniffles says:
*snuggles*
Katato says:

I thinkkkk
she gets really upset a lot cuz she cant cuddle her sniffles :3
Sniffles says:
I think she has every right to get upset =/
Sniffles is practially on the other side of the world
but
Sniffles can always talk to you no matter how far you are =)
I can still feel you
Katato says:
:3
sometimes I can't :/
Sniffles says:
im here for you
I am, I try
Katato says:
I know
Im just a sniffle
:3
Sniffles says:
im just trying to sort my life out right now
Katato says:
same
its terrible >_>
Sniffles says:
It is =/
but its something we all must =/
Katato says:
all that makes it better is that it wont be like this forever
i hope
>_<
Sniffles says:
It will never be like that forever
Some things were built to fall
Katato says:
good :3
Sniffles says:
mhmm
Katato says:
I'm lucky ^^
Sniffles says:
how so :3
Katato says:
cuz I has yew. :3
Sniffles says:
^______________^
If i could, i would snuggle and kiss you all night ^^
Katato says:
x3333
you will
imma get yew ^^
Sniffles says:
sometimes i can get pretty affectionate >w<]
ima get you back
Katato says:
aw x3
im weird >_<
im not used to affection xD
Sniffles says:
i love to be affectionate but i dont want to show it to ppl unless i can trust you >w<
Katato says:

dont worry, im only gonna record it and sent it to anika
thats all
...
LOL
XD
jkkkk x3
Sniffles says:
i am only affectionate to ppl i like :3
hint hint
Katato says:

Sniffles says:
lol
Katato says:
you're so cute
Sniffles says:
maaaaaaybeee :3
Katato says:
nooooo
you are :3
Sniffles says:
^______________^ maaaaaayybbe ^3^
Katato says:
yes ^^
Sniffles says:

sniffles is tired
you not me xD
Katato says:
x3
eh a little.
I should at least go upstairs soon
my dad'll be all
rawr
cuz hes jealous :3
Sniffles says:
i should crawl into bed too
Jealous cause hes old and not sniffly?
Katato says:
no x3
Sniffles says:
XD
Katato says:
hes jealous cuz he thinks I love you more than him :3
or something
>_>
Sniffles says:

im ready to pass out XD
Katato says:
x3
then go sleepy :3
Sniffles says:
i think ill go now
im >w< *passes out on kait*
Katato says:

haha
u do that and i'll tickle u to death
XD
if im standing up anyway xD
Sniffles says:
ill kiss you and act EXTRA cute if you try that
>:3
Katato says:
o god >_<
nuuuu x3
Sniffles says:
YUSH!!!
Katato says:
Nuuu!
...shhhh?
XD
Sniffles says:
nonsense :3
Katato says:
NOOOUUUSHHH
XD
Sniffles says:
I can use my cuteness against you :3
Katato says:
Im defenseless! you arent allowed!
Sniffles says:
you know you would like it >w<
Katato says:
>_<
nu uhhhh
Sniffles says:
MHMMM !
Katato says:
nuu UHH
Sniffles says:
you would be all like O///////////O 8D
XD
Katato says:

I
am
defenseless
and its not fair.
>_<
Sniffles says:
its fair enough :3
im going to bed now >__<
Im too tired
Katato says:
Lies. >_> go go go!
Sniffles says:
ill be in your bed ^^
Katato says:
lies.
XD
Sniffles says:
I might be shirtless :3
Katato says:
AYE
NO
XD
Sniffles says:
naked??? XDDD
Katato says:
O_O
HELL NO
I WILL FUZE UR CLOTHES TO U
XD
Sniffles says:
dun worry
I dont sleep in the nude
Katato says:
>_< bessa nawt xD
Sniffles says:
only sometimes in summer??? XDDD
Katato says:
guess what
Sniffles says:
waht
Katato says:
u visitin in the winter
xD
Sniffles says:
SUMMR IT IZZZ
Katato says:
>wM
sadadsadsa
XD
go to bed crazy
XD
Sniffles says:
lol !!!
remebmer...im in bed sleeping with you :3
Katato says:
>_<
im sleeping on the futon infront of my bed then xD
get cho shirt on boi!
xD
Sniffles says:
im still with you
SEE !!
you imagining me shirtless and everything XDDD
Katato says:
STFU
>_<
Sniffles says:
you know you like it
Katato says:
omg >_<
Sniffles says:
SHIRTLESS SNIFFLES !
Katato says:

Sniffles says:
HES SHIRTLESS OMG!
look at that bodhy
body
Katato says:
no.
XD
Sniffles says:
you know you stare
you like that bare chest
Katato says:
I cant even respond to that.
XD
Sniffles says:
its ok
Katato says:
>_<
Sniffles says:
just imagine
its all you need :3
Katato says:
wtf.
XD
imma kill u
I swear
xD
Sniffles says:
you cant kill me
im just that gewd
Katato says:
x3
ur a butt xD
Sniffles says:
good night kaitlyn ^^
dont make me hit your butt :3
Katato says:
AYE
MY BUTT
IS FO ME
XD
XD
no touchie xD!!!
Sniffles says:
*poke*
Katato says:
>_<
Sniffles says:
i love you ^^ Good night

I can't read it. Maybe one day, when all the emotion fades. When you fade. I don't know if you'll see this, or if you're even going to bother with me anymore. I'm stupid enough to let you. To let you back in. This week of no word has absolutely destroyed me. There is no broken cell phone or computer. You're there, perfectly capable of talking to me. But you won't. For whatever reason. I guess it's time to give up. I wish I didn't have to but I can't wait. I needed you, and you weren't there. Or you didn't want to be. I guess only you know the answer to that. But I thought it was real, and I thought it would last. I thought it'd be different. I still have my hope. I still have these idiotic daydreams of you texting me at some point. Earlier I even contemplated the reason behind the lack of word was because you were going to surprise me with a visit. What a fool I am. I erased your number. I deleted your MSN. I guess the next step is your myspace. I wonder if you think everything will be the same when you come home. Honestly, you never existed. Just like every other time the Justin I knew doesn't exist. He never did. He loved me once. He cared. He wanted me, not just like that.

He was just a facade. A clay doll I made to love just like all the others. I'm sorry if none of this is true. I have to admit I over reacted... but it hurt to see you there and to wait only to see you leave without a word. It hurt when my texts went unanswered. I guess you found someone else or don't want me anymore. Or maybe you have no idea I'm going through this. I'm gonna go with the latter. They know about it, and they'll be mad if I let you back in. I don't know what to say. Or what to do. I miss you so fucking much. I feel like you left me. Like you just ripped from my heart what was yours and left me with nothing. I feel empty. But this is the first time I've been able to cry in days. I guess it's nice to see I'm not entirely numb anymore...but this is probably the last time for a while if not one of the last. My numbing pain doesn't leave for a while. Takes time. Probably around a year to be able to look back and not miss you. My heart hurts. Not as much as it had before, but the pain lingers.

So I'll go to bed now and maybe I'll cry, maybe I won't. I'll probably just cling to the pillow I prayed would be you one day.

I miss you. I love you. I need you. But I think if I can't deal with my boyfriend not talking to me for a week (As suspicious, abnormal, unacceptable and rude that is)...then maybe I shouldn't have one to begin with. I'll blame myself. It's easier this way. I'm used to it by now, being the cause of the failure. I was probably annoying and cruel at times. I probably ticked you off a lot. Oh well. You don't have to deal with me anymore. Sorry.

Trembling.

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 01:56:11 GMT

Just got back from the gym.
I'm gross.
And I still miss you.
It's been eight days.
Nine tomorrow.
I miss you.

Watashi wa...

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 03:01:08 GMT

Keitorin desu.

And I miss you.

So apparently there's hope for the future. There always is, but I mean I might be able to have some fun. I need that.
Let's see how this goes. Gym gym gym.

Careless Whisper

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 03:35:39 GMT

We could have been so good together,
We could have made this last forever...
But now, whos gonna dance with me?
Please stay. (And now its never gonna be That way...)

Flesh.

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 03:11:16 GMT

My pink fleshy adult infant is slowly coming to life. Her face and the details come next after she dries. Work in progress, I already know shes going to be beautiful. I love her. I wish she were real. Her spine is so beautiful. Her body so plush and pure. I wish she were alive. I wish I could teach her things. I wish she'd know already, but learn in remembering. I'd make her mine, I'd take her and open her eyes to the way I see my world. She'd be my daughter, my sister, my flesh, my creation. If only I could hold her in my hand.

I love you.

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 03:04:34 GMT

I need to hear you say.

Ooops

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 05:14:23 GMT

How many times does this have to happen?
I guess a million. Trillion. Maybe one for each second of my life.
Or maybe half that.
I don't know anymore.
All I know is that I fucking miss you. I miss you more than anything that comes to mind.

I made you my world.

I miss my good mornings. You have no idea what they did to me when I saw them.
I miss my good nights. They gave me have a reason to wake up.
I miss my I love yous, that probably meant not even nearly half as what mine did.
And now I have nothing but pieces I'll spend months mending back together.
It's fucked, this whole situation.
And I thought it'd be different.
I should have known.
In the end I understand, but right now I'll take the self-discriminatory epic "you aren't good for anything who the fuck are you trying to kid" side and beat the hell out of my self esteem.
There isn't much to kill. Shouldn't be too hard.
Baby steps.
Baby steps.

Ugh.
"Baby".
Falling.
Falling.
Falling.

Ight.

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 05:01:59 GMT

I don't know what kind of game you think you can play with me. I don't care if you're him or not. Or her. How the fuck should I know.
You don't control my life, though you certainly seem to think you do. I'm my own damn person for fuck's sake.
So take every prayer I threw at you and shove them up your ass.
I'm tired of asking someone for something beautiful when all that someone can give me is shit.

Treasure.

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 23:32:51 GMT

I'll keep a smile waiting for you. We'll call it our treasure, but you have to find it. Search under every strand of hair. Every frown. Every smug glance. But it'll be there, and I'll keep it for you. You'll see. Nothing else will matter, simply smiles and laughter. We don't have to worry. You don't have to worry. Just give me time to find you, you're the treasure I seek. I don't have a map, GPS doesn't work for shit, and I can't follow the stars. I guess time will lead me to you. One way or another. I can't wait to paint with you, for you, you. I can't wait to mold our most precious piece. It'll be like painting the heavens for god. "In you and I there is a new land."
Sometimes I'll wonder,
"What's left of me now?"
But you'll remind me. And we'll go hand in hand. You'll see. And I'll see, too. We'll live in canvas and paper so we can paint our own world. We'll walk with light feet and even lighter hearts. We'll never stay too long. We won't have to.
You'll show me how to see that nothing is whole, and that nothing is broken.
You'll see. And I'll see, too.
I'll see you.

I think.

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 23:13:34 GMT

I can let you go. I mean it looks like things are going that way. Not like I have a choice, do I? I have to keep living, with or without you.
But the train isn't going to stop. I'm going to hit the ground running, I'm going to fix everything. I don't need you to do that.
So maybe my heart thinks I do.
You don't. That's all that matters.
I'm just sorry you wasted your time.

Black.

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 06:58:54 GMT

The dark part of me screams,

"I hope I end you."

But there is so much in the way.
Why can't you just leave like all the rest?

Pretentious...

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 06:41:43 GMT

I can feel the blood flowing through my veins spilling on my soul
And now the hunger's getting bigger
Come a little closer now pretentious whore and pull my trigger
Free the violence that is building in me
I say now end of the ride murder suicide is how I've been feeling lately
Come a little closer now pretentious whore,
I'm reeling with a feeling that I can't ignore
Come a little closer now pretentious whore,
I'm reeling with a feeling that I can't ignore
Come a little closer now pretentious whore,
I'm reeling with a feeling that I can't ignore
The need to get psycho
Is not a question to me

Let the living die.
I'm so scared of losing you.
You'll never understand what my heart has done to me.

I don't wanna be.

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 06:26:10 GMT

Reject
Are you no one
Feel you nothing
You know I'll bet you think
You have a good reason to be living
In the limelight of the fortunate ones
you're too weakened by the poison
That they feed you in the living lie
They don't believe you
Carr to no one
Trust in nothing
Little impotent one

I don't want to be innocent, you know
I don't want to let them hypnotize me

Punk ass, are you listening
Can you hear me or are you deaf and dumb to my language
Do the real words seem to hurt you
Well put em' up motherfucker
You'll feel it
When I stamp it on your forehead
So you will never forget
That you're a reject
And you're a no one
And you're nothing
Little impotent one

Fear awaken
Go with it now
And let it overcome you
Fear awaken
Your mind is racing

I don't understand why you don't like me
Why don't you like me?
Am I so diffrent from you
Now does it scare you that I'm able to discern
What to love and what to burn
I'll add your fuel to the fire now
Stand back, brother take your hand back
Leave it and I might crack
More than a smile or two you see
Don't judge what you don't understand
You can't deny what has been given to me.

What have I done?

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 06:19:20 GMT

To deserve this?
I'll just come right out with it.

I prayed to god. I've been praying for years now. When the desperation sets in. When I can't take it anymore. I know what I am. I know I'm asking for too much. But I figure...they can have it. They aren't even remotely what I know I will never be...and yet they get what they want...so I figure I can have it too. I can give my heart away to make our statue. I can give my heart away to combine with yours. To fuse, forever, to you. To hang on our wall. To hang above us as we rest. To hang there to remind us what we'd done. Sounds like a good sculpture to me. Maybe a better painting.

I fucking tried.
I did.
What am I supposed to DO.

No more.

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 20:01:01 GMT

Yesterday after I annihilated that mailbox I told myself I would never drive again. But that's silly, and later in that night I really got a wake up call. I can't just say, "No more" when I fuck up. I can't. I will suffer through the rest of my life, I can understand this now. I mean, I'll have to. I'll have to run over shit and cry my eyes out and attempt to keep my head up even when I'd rather just end it. I'll need the sun, I'll need the rain. I'll need to be miserable to create. I'll need to be overjoyed to live. I'll need my five to keep breathing. I'll need my fire to keep "warm".
One day, I'll have you. So I won't have to worry about it anymore.
One day. And we'll be amazing together.
You'll see, whoever you are.
You'll see.

Nail Biter.

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 02:23:17 GMT

Susan.

Today was interesting. It marks the beginning of the end, a real start to my life. I finally passed that fucking test. Yes, I did. You'd be proud, I know you would. I only got three questions wrong, you can only imagine how proud my mother was. The rest of the day wasn't as spectacular...but I've decided to erase it from my memory. Not only do I not need the pain of what I'd done to myself, but I don't need the pain I'd caused myself NOW. I can have a nervous breakdown about it some other time. For now? I have no time. I have no life. My hopes are cold and flaking away. My eyes are cloudy. Demi said once that when you love someone all you see is them. Nothing more. Nothing less.

But what is this? Is it what I thought? Or is the face simply the shell to give it to?
I collect you like broken shells on the beach. I collect new ones, but never find a complete shell. Then again, I myself happen to be damaged "goods".

Fuck it. What is there to love if not just another broken remnant of what was one beautiful and free?
Nothing.
Don't love this.

Done.

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 22:52:27 GMT

I don't ever want to do that again.

This heart, and "No touching"

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 04:13:37 GMT

I don't know how much more of this I can take, so I'll be returning to Susan once more. Three strikes, I'm out. I should've know this would happen, things were going too well at Anika's house. Things went too well at the concert. I won that contest. Too. Fucking. Good.
Now I guess this is balancing out, repaying what was lost in that time all at once. All the misery from that time period is here now. All the pain, all the tears from years ago, seem to be stirring again like rats in an over-packed closet. They're here, they've been waiting, and they aren't going to wait any longer.
They want what's theirs.
Today I said "Let me kill myself in peace" on facebook. I don't think I've ever wanted to be as alone and I have now before this. And yet I want certain people around...some much more than others.

What is this bull shit? My chest. Feels so empty. I can't understand or even begin to. I think my heart is breaking, because I understand the future. My mom didn't spare my feelings today when she told me how it was going to go down. The reality is setting in.
I don't know what it is that redeems my mind from going here, but I feel like I should be.
What is beautiful about me?
I don't understand. I've got a nice face structure, and these stupid big eyes...and the "nice skin" I miraculously have.
But then why, when I'm surrounded by people, am I so alone? So ugly and cast aside?
Why do I attract shit in human form? And no, I'm not talking about men, I'm talking about friends. Why?
They never cease to amaze me, they're all disgustingly similar.
Except you, and you know who you are. Even if we're not close yet, you'll know if a place in my heart is reserved for you.
But lately someone else has been hogging all the space.
I'm sorry.
And god damn it, I can't help but look miserable every day. I look so angry, that's all there is. Anger. Fucking pain, frustration.

I just want this so bad, and of course when I'm finally given the chance it's stolen from me.
I'm. Not. Allowed.
I'm just getting mad about it. I wish I didn't need this, but livejournal is the only place I can talk freely.
My mouth doesn't work anymore.
This is my escape.
One day, I'll look back on these words and smile because it'll all be over...
and I'll have you.
I'll have you, and you'll have me, and we will complete each other.
We'll never die. We'll never stop. We will, forever. And I will love you forever. I'll love you with all my heart, with every suppressed emotion I've kept in me for years. I'll give you my passion. I'll give you my art. I'll give you my soul. I'll die with you, I'll live for you. You'll be all mine, and you'll never leave. You'll take this heart from my chest and place it beside yours, then remove them both together to put on display. Our creation, our most precious work of art, until we share each other to make our masterpiece; our children I. Will. Love. You.
I can only pray you'll love me too.

My life.

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 03:42:34 GMT

Stop staring, you're the reason I feel so unhappy all the time
Look, I've given you everything I know how.
You're standing on the top of my shoe.
You're keeping me from gaining ground, yeah.
Look, I'm sorry if you feel like I let you down.

Can you tell me what have I done so wrong, to you?
Tell me, what am I supposed to do?

I should be loved by you.
That I know is true.
I can't breathe when you're around, no.
I should be held at night...
That I know is right.
I can't breathe when you're around.

You're too scared, scared of all of it.
I get the feeling I'm talking to the wall.
Can you hear me at all?
Look, my world was shaking.
My mind was quaking...
My heart was breaking,
I threw it against the wall.
Can anyone feel me at all?

Can you tell me what have I done so wrong, to you?
Tell me, what am I supposed to do?
I've got a feeling you're falling out of love with me...
Tell me, who am I supposed to be?

I should be loved by you,
That I know is true.
I can't breathe when you're around, no.
I should be held at night.
That I know is right.
I can't breathe when you're around.
Yeah, I can't breathe when you're around.
Look, I can't breathe.

I should be loved by you.
That I know is true.
I can't breathe when you're around.
I should be held.
I should be held.
I can't breathe when you're around.
No, I can't breathe when you're around.
No, I can't breathe...

Fear is a place you go when you want to learn.

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 20:29:16 GMT

"Let me kill myself in peace."

Is not only a quote from a Foamy the Squirrel episode, though it may not be completely accurate, but it also means this:

Let me fucking live my life the way I want. If I want to stay up all hours of the night, if I want to eat like a five year old, if I want to be miserable, then I will. The thing I'll always be is me, and whether or not that is a good thing isn't up to you at all.

People like you only make me want to stay miserable. You make living that much more tedious. So fuck you, for all it's worth.

Painting.

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 20:09:39 GMT

Feels like the only "real" thing left inside of me now.

.

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 03:21:14 GMT

I fucking love you. Don't you get it?

Hearts.

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 00:24:11 GMT

I think that was what did it. I need to go to the gym, so I'll be leaving now.
But I feel like my heart is ravaged. Broken doesn't even touch on the surface of how I feel.
I'm so scared.

In you and I, there's a new land.

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 06:10:35 GMT

You and I know what it's like to live in a world based on text and what we're told...

and the pain in knowledge of knowing that someone you love is 2,500 miles away from you.